Self-talk or talking to oneself is a phenomenon that is universal to every human being that has evolved with a frontal cortex in the brain. Each one of us, at some point of our day would talk to ourself, be it while you shower, while you’re on a long drive, or even while one is cooking. And what are these talkings about? Why do we do that? How does it affect the way we live? And here comes the explanation given by Ian Tuhovsky in his book, “The science of self-talk”
The self-talk we are engaged with ourselves are not just random thoughts , rather they aret he reflection of how we view ourselves and the world around us. It is a reflection of the world one has created for oneself in one’s own mind (could be either realistic or hippocratic)
Therefore when these self talks are keenly observed , they fall into either of the two
categories namely,
1. Positive self-talk (or) constructive self talk
2. Negative self talk (or) dysfunctional self talk.
Self-talk is a dictation of judgement by the ego regarding one’s performance and oneself.
They indicate the boundaries one has enclosed within one’s mind that either paralyses or promotes their growth. So , positive self-talk guides a person through milestones to growth( personal, financial, spiritual and intellectual), eternal happiness and above all makes a person open to infinite possibilities. Dysfunctional or negative self-talks on the other hand confine a person within the boundaries of ego, thus limiting oneself from progressing in life, using depression, anxiety, dejection and resentment. It is because where your thought goes, energy flows. Many people who are unsuccessful of depressed are found to have engaged in negative self-talk; they are more focused on lamenting than finding solutions to their problems, and this phenomenon of repetitively going over distress is called as rumination by psychologist. On the other hand constructive self talk is goal oriented, and challenge oriented. Constructive self talk enables a person to view problems as challenges, that would demand a person’s growth unlike the latter that views challenges as impediments.
Negative self-talk is a self-response mechanism to what one views as threats in life, for one it may be financial, for some it maybe making a confrontation of truth, and for few it may be their day-to-day activities which varies upon their personal circumstances. But all of these mostly fall into any one of the cognitive distortions as mentioned by the author
1.
;
● Catastrophizing- making bad situation seem even more worse by oneself.
● Personalisation- personalizing all the mistakes that is happening around, though it
has least to do with them.
● Blaming- one could be either blaming oneself or others for all that is happening
around them
● Filtering- considering only the negative aspects of something, while it hold many
positivity in him.
● Overgeneralising - jumping on to negative judgements without reasoning. Eg. Iam
unlucky,
Black or white thinking- feeling that either they are awesome or extremely bad all at
once and not understanding that life is grey, a combination of both flaws and
perfections.
Many a times these cognitive distortions are learned helplessness, where one blindly submits oneself to a superficial misconception than engaging into a judicious introspection.
How to get rid of them? Engage in positive self talk. One cannot directly engage in it all of a sudden rather it requires certain conscious and consistent effort. One has to surround himself/herself withe the right circumstances and the right people who would avail that state of mind needed. Self talk works upon a loop system where one follows the other in a chain.
So, to overcome negative self talk one has to primarily break the chain and redesign the negativity into positivity. Therefore “BREAK THE CHAIN”. Once we break the chain of negative self talk and engage in positive self-talk we ll notice that growth in life becomes parabolic. The author says engaging is negative self talk is a form of cruelty we show to ourself
2
. For instance if we are talking to a depressed friend we’d be encouraging and supportive and we wouldn't be inflating their hopes unrealistically or help them hid unpleasant truths from themselves. And why in the world wouldn't you do the same thing for yourself? It is because we don't love and treat ourselves the way we do our loved ones. So it is important to love oneself, because only when you love you develop the will to care. To earn the rewards of self talk one must be patient enough as it leads to a long term and permanent gratification rather than short-term and temporary rewards.
To conclude, self talk is a lens through with we view yourself and the outer world. When the lens is broken, the image is distorted and everything seems chaotic. When the lens is rectified, the path to the destination becomes beautiful and enjoyable. Nothing but your mind could change the way you live.
Comments
Post a Comment